Letting Go of Control, Gives Us Control

Letting Go of Control, Gives Us Control

By Mark Schillinger, MSW, LCSW

Many people say that a person only has control over themselves and how they react to things. This simple truth sounds great, AND it can be challenging to apply in our everyday lives. Applying this simple truth can help us have a sense of freedom and ease. It can also help us be better able to cope with the people in our lives who can be difficult. Most of us have no problem coming up with at least one person who is difficult (we can probably think of several).  Below is a list of self-reflection questions you can use as a guide to help you learn how to find acceptance and embody this simple truth.

  • Questions about Responsibility:
    • Is this my problem (thus, I need to take responsibility for it)?
    • Is there a part of this situation that I am responsible for?
  • Questions about Reactions:
    • Am I reacting to someone else’s behavior?
    • What impact will my reaction have on the situation?
  • Questions about Power:
    • Is the person trying to gain power (and control) over me?
    • How can I maintain my sense of power and control in the situation?

These are a few examples of self-reflection questions you can ask yourself to maintain your feelings of control in stressful situations. I would also encourage you to think of other self-reflection questions you can ask yourself. Please remember, it is when we let go of trying to control things that we experience more control.