GUIDE TO COOPERATIVE PARENTING

Cooperative parenting requires a commitment by both parents to follow the same guidelines and serve the best interests of the child. Keep in mind that children want to be able to love and have healthy relationships with both parents. Kids hate it when their parents fight. A cooperative parenting relationship is one that is cordial, focusing specifically on the details of child-rearing and addressing the needs of the child. We urge you to follow these guidelines for successful cooperative parenting.

Click here for more cooperative parenting tips on our Tips for Parents and Grandparents Page

Decide together how you are going to communicate with each other.

• This could include telephone, E-mail, mail, fax, voice-mail, in-person, etc. You may only need one medium to communicate successfully.

When talking to the other parent, focus the conversation on the specific business related to your child.

• Focus and talk about one child-related issue at a time. Be concise and to the point.
• Be polite. Don't change the subject. Stay on task.
• Do not bring up unresolved relationship issues.
• Do not verbally attack each other, criticize or raise your voices.
• Maintain a non-hostile attitude. No sarcasm.
• Don't give advice.
• Keep your anger in check.
• Don't put each other down.
• Keep the conversation as short as necessary to take care of the specific child-related business.

Listen to each other without interrupting.

• Express yourself without dominating the conversation (by talking too much or repeating the same thing over and over).
• Be patient.

Take a break if the discussion becomes heated or is going nowhere. Taking a break usually means to stop talking (i.e. hang up the phone) until a later time. Take a break when:

• You feel you are being attacked;
• You feel you are about to attack;
• You start to feel angry;
• You feel confused or are unable to understand what the other parent is talking about;
• You've lost the focus of the conversation;
• You need time to think about it or sort out your feelings.
• Just say, " I need to get off the phone for now."

If there is a child-related problem, first clarify the problem. Then start offering solutions that could work for the child and for both parents.

• This may take some creative thinking and some compromise.
• Don't put down each other's suggestions.
• Keep throwing out solutions until you find one that you can both agree on.
• Stay solution focused.

Respect your child's need to have a relationship with both parents.

• Do not undermine the agreements you reach with your ex-spouse.
• Don't try to outdo the other parent, or compete to prove who is the better parent.

Communicate regarding important events in your child's life or in your life that affect the other parent and your child.

Work on establishing a pattern of communication that works, and build your parenting relationship on successful interactions.

• Not all conversations will be successful. Keep trying. Be patient and always think of your child. And try always to be cordial to each other.

And please, never argue or verbally attack each other in front of your children.

We can help parents develop cooperative parenting skills. Call (314) 909-9922 to schedule an appointment for a Consultation, Individual Counseling or Co-Parenting Counseling.

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